Metamorphosis

metamorphosis-e1529684904149.jpgAs creative beings, it is in us to create and recreate ourselves and our lives as it makes sense to us. When we have the energy. Change, push, grow.

 

For over 20 years, I have waited until the day of the summer solstice to eat spinach and strawberry salad. It’s a sacred time of year for me and this has been one of a series of traditions I have enacted and followed to celebrate the beginning of summer. But this year, after our difficult winter transitioned straight into summer, something just didn’t feel right. I’d felt similarly before and made the decision to wait it out, feeling like waiting until the solstice honoured my reverence for summer and seasonal tastes.

But this year, it was different. So many things have been different.

This year, I realized it didn’t mean the same thing to me anymore and holding onto this tradition was hollow. So when a friend invited my family for supper in early May, I showed up with spinach and strawberries, poppy seed dressing and sunflower seeds and mixed that salad up. It was delicious. More importantly, I gave myself the room to simply let go of something that wasn’t working for me anymore and it felt great. It felt like a long time coming.

My intention this year has been to learn to care for myself in a way that I hadn’t for a number of years, if ever. Radical self-care. Me, first. It has been a year of change, metamorphosis. Metamorphosis is a theme in nature. When an organism in nature needs to change, it just does. There is no judgment, there are not feelings. Change is necessary for survival. Change, push, grow. It’s merely an undeniable fact.

Practically speaking, this is rather different for us humans. Let’s just say during my metamorphosis there have been several moments where I have bumped up against the edges of what feels right, due both in part to my own inexperience and how my changes have affected my relationships. There have been several moments of discomfort, doubt and fear. Am I making the right decisions? Will I come out the other side? Am I sacrificing too much?

It’s hard to grapple with these feelings, to rest in what is difficult. So many of us use these moments to inspire action or movement, and sometimes I do, too. But through this process of learning to care better for myself, I’ve reminded myself to slow down and listen, trying to push myself into the new, even if that means stopping and noticing what is difficult to stop and notice. In this practice, I am honouring myself and cultivating the most important tradition of all. It has been scary and I am grateful for the people in my life who (knowingly and unknowingly) have heard me and offered support.

What I’ve come to learn so far is invaluable. It is a knowing that I will indeed come out the other side, every single time. I will also likely be somehow new. There is so much freedom in this realization. My freedom. I have let go of the things that no longer serve me and other things just continue to fall away. I am noticing changes big and small. That’s all I really need right now.

 

10 thoughts on “Metamorphosis

  1. Let all the unfitting things fall away. In the 4th decade of life this becomes clearer. Let us allow the process without judgement but acceptance. This is challenging sometimes, especially when it means giving up the security of things like employment, relationships, diet and familiarity. Still, with a steadfast heart we must not relent in these endeavors.

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  2. It’s true these things become more apparent as we age. I would say harder to carry, as well, simply because they make life more difficult than it has to be.

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  3. Thanks for sharing Lauren.
    We are forever changing, growing,learning. One needs to be open to the change and brave enough to do what we need to do , to live a life that fills us up and keeps happy and healthy.
    Such a journey.

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  4. Thank you for visiting my blog and becoming a “Follower” of it.
    I enjoyed reading this piece today. It attracted my attention because of the title – I was thinking of Kafka, who is a fav author of mine. Your Metamorphosis is quite different than the one he wrote the book about. No happy endings for Gregor.

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    1. I know. A former lit student, the word metamorphosis takes me to Kafka, too.
      Out of curiosity, have you ever had a time in your life when you notice more butterflies/moths than usual?

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  5. Such a truly beautiful read. September is approaching and has always had more meaning as a new beginning than January for me. I have thought so much about these very things myself lately. To love and care for myself. Thank you for sharing. Take care, suzanne 🌷

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    1. Your sense around September resonates with me. I have always felt it as a beginning of a cycle as well, and not just because of school. May I ask what you attribute this feeling to? Just have never quite been able to put my finger on it. Would love insight if you have any to share. 😊

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      1. I agree, for me it has nothing to do with the school year either. And the weather where I live (Texas) is not cooling yet so it cannot be that. I have often wondered about it myself. Somehow it gives me a great sense of hope and new beginnings. There is an ease to September because perhaps nothing is expected of it so that it can surprise with simple goodness. I trust that soon enough the air will turn crisp and the colors will change. It feels so rich and alive to me in anticipation of what can come full…like the moon I suppose, a hint of that too. There is too much pressure on January 1 to be big and important. When I look too hard for something, whether it be a day or a person or an event, to Be something I may end up seeing the sorrow of what isn’t instead of the beauty of what could be. Then I’m hard on myself for doing that too. It’s like your own writing – letting go of When you celebrate with your strawberries and greens to feel when the time is right – or the way you feel the moon coming full and what it’s time to let go of. I’ve been thinking of that a great deal myself these last few days. Just this morning I’ve come to a new place of letting go and hope that I keep the sweetness of it in the days to come. Always something to let go of. I’ve rambled on and may not be making much sense 🙃. But there is something easing and magical for me in September. Perhaps it is hidden in the way I can just let it be what it is and it does the same for me. Thank you for asking Lauren. Take care, suzanne

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