I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation for the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness of other’s pain and my passion for it all.
-Caitlin Japa
Don’t be so emotional. Why are you so sensitive? On the way up to the microphone to give a speech at my sister’s wedding, a well meaning relative said don’t cry as I passed by. The message is clear and comes from a variety of sources: keep emotions to a minimum, don’t let things get too unwieldy or embarrassing. This is the message I have been receiving for most of my life, and of course, it is not just me. Loads of us are sensitive. This is simply how we are. Just as there is a spectrum of body sizes or IQ or athleticism, so too is there a spectrum of how people feel and choose to express their emotional selves. These soft hearted, on the expressive side of the spectrum people (which I count myself among), are artists and parents and therapists, teachers and philanthropists, scientists and administrators. They are world leaders and average and everything in between, but they are the heart, they process and make sense of this life in a very important way that deserves more respect than being told to stop because it makes moments less manageable. The incredible emotional work these people do is often for those around them, those who don’t have the same capacity, or won’t risk sacrificing appearances. It takes effort, it is a huge give and it is valuable. To my mind, it’s actually a superpower, to feel things acutely, in the deepest possible way, to carry the weight of what it all means, even if others can’t.
Almost as often as someone expresses a feeling, someone else is trying to avoid it. I get it, it can be terribly awkward to be around someone expressing big emotions. But here’s the thing, whatever someone else is feeling, chances are you’ve felt something like that before, too. So the next time you are tempted to indicate to someone that they stuff whatever they are experiencing, or at least keep it for a more “appropriate” space, look inside and see why you feel compelled to do so. It can be challenging to stay present with someone through their feelings, but the connection that comes from simply holding space for another is usually worth it. This isn’t to say that individuals are exempt from regulating themselves, boundaries are always good. But if we can encourage and nurture soft hearts in each other, the room for growth and connection is infinite.
I hear you an
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I hear you and agree with both you and Caitlin. Emotions are frowned on. I too get emotional as I’m frequently called on to speak publicly. But guess what, you can hear a pin drop as they absorb the words. 💞
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I believe it! That is such a big give. Thank you. ❤
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that alone makes us living beings! lovely write up
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Thank you!
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So true and so well expressed. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. I am sure I always will.
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We are who we are! 😊
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Great article. I’m not an emotional person but I respect those who are.
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Certainly many of us are not emotional and that deserves respect as well. Thank you for your comment. 🙏
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Some people are like that and some are not. Just different ways of living and seeing the world/reality. Room for everyone. The two may never truly understand each other but they don’t have to. People just need to let everyone be who they are.
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Agreed. Everyone has value how they are. Thank you for commenting!
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I have always (not always wise) shared my emotions when it felt right. I have always been an empath and recently embraced the term realizing the truth.
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Ah, I hope you continue to freely share your feelings. Your ability to do so is a gift!
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Creativity goes hand in hand with sensitivity, and where would the world be without our creatives?
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I cannot agree more. Somehow, though, over time, creative pursuits were devalued. I think this is changing, but we’re not there yet!
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As a sensitive, if rather stoic, soul, I use my sensitivity for the well-being of others, as much as for myself. Yes, I do honour boundaries, faithfully, because that is also part of friendship.
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That’s a beautiful gift, to use your sensitivity for others. Thank you for your comment!
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Thank you for this! I value my sensitivity so much, but I needed a reminder again today that it is a superpower.
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I am so glad Shelly! Thank you for your comment. Just this morning I heard from a developmental psychologist that the ability to communicate through emotions is often directly correlated to the degree of plasticity in the brain. Amazing!
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Agree wholeheartedly. At times I wonder at the apparent arrogance and assumed superiority of people who seem to think your way of being is inferior and needs to change.
As a ‘sensitive’ person I try to embrace this sensitivity in various ways. At times as with most things in life it doesn’t come easy, perhaps our less sensitive friends are copping out for this reason.
Could it be that ‘we’ are the tough ones.
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I think it is sometimes tough to be human no matter what. Some of us are just wired to feel more than others. And I think the society has many feelings about that! The wisdom of emotional intelligence has long been associated with the feminine and, as such, has been largely ignored and dismissed. I’d like to believe this is changing.
But aside from all that, feeling is hard sometimes, a great effort, uncomfortable and even scary. So many prefer to try to just skip it altogether.
I love that you try to embrace your sensitivity, Margaret!
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