Expectation

Today was not a great day. There was no ease. There was no flow. There were a series of tiny, but frustrating, turns that made getting much of anything done way more difficult than it had to be. We’ve all had days like this. Universal resistance. My partner describes it as “swimming through Jello,” and that sums it up for me. Usually I move through these times unfazed, a simple acknowledgement, maybe a bit of extra rest if I can. But today the resistance got to me and got me to thinking, what am I missing? What is this all about? And I came to realize something I am not super proud of.

Sometimes I simply expect too much. What I mean by this is, if I am being really honest, sometimes I feel pretty connected to the privilege of having a good day. Like, deep down, even if I am not willing to work very hard on it, I feel like because most of the time I do work hard, I deserve a good day just because. And, of course, that’s not how this works.

Bound up together in these difficult moments are expectation and entitlement. And, really, in this wide world, we are not entitled to anything. When we are disappointed or frustrated, it is because we had something different in mind and we are more invested in that idea than what is actually going on around us. Expectation is a dangerous way to engage with life, it is an imposition. In those moments of difficulty, we are better served by observation and surrender, or, failing that, gratitude. In recognizing and remembering what we appreciate, we are led to ease. We become soft-hearted and open. We find our feet again.